


Zombie Plan

by glitterandlube



Category: DC Comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-07
Updated: 2010-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:46:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterandlube/pseuds/glitterandlube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is very, very stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zombie Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bitter_crimson (Krim)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krim/gifts).



> THESE PPL ARE ON THE TT BC I SAY: Ravenger, Megan, Cassie, Arrowette, Superboy, Supergirl, Robin, Kid Flash, Blue Beetle, Kid Devil.

Bart speeds out of Alfred's Steakhouse just as Superboy and Wonder Girl fly out screaming. Bart halts in front of Robin and blurrs out, "ohmygodpleasetellmewehaveazombieplanrobinwhatsourzombieplan?"

Robin starts, "I can't understand..." but he trails off as a man who looks a very disturbing grey color shuffles out of the restaurant and Kon laser-visions off his head. Wonder Girl grabs Kon's arm and they both start screaming again. Robin looks at Bart and yells, "What.the.hell? Did Superboy go evil again?"

Bart shakes his head. "YOU DO NOT LISTEN. ZOMBIES." He waves his hands frantically at the decapitated guy lying in the road.

Kon lands by Robin and yells, "What the fuck man? It tried to fucking bite me! I was almost eaten by a zombie! That is NOT COOL!"

Robin stares at him as Ravenger asks, "Did you get bitten?" She's holding her sword out carefully, and Kon says, "No, I have a fucking shield. Back off, you crazy ninja-pirate wannabe." He turns to Tim and says, "Robin! Focus! Zombie plan!"

Robin walks over to the dead man as Kon is talking. He peers down at the man, who looks...odd, before pulling a vial out of his belt and taking a sample of tissue from the body. He backs away from the corpse carefully before hearing shouting behind him. When he looks up there are more grey people coming out of the restaurant.

"Robin, I don't want to become a zombie!" Jaime yells behind him. "There was nothing in that sign up talk about zombies!"

Ravenger smacks his arm, and says, "You have armor you idiot."

Robin throws a shuriken and beheads one of the shuffling horde. The weapon lands back in his gauntlet covered hand dripping with black blood. He throws it again, taking out two more zombies and is grateful it lands in a wall this time. He wipes his glove on the ground in horror, and yells, "OKAY. THE ZOMBIE PLAN IS WE KILL ALL THE ZOMBIES!"

"That's not a plan!" Kon calls out.

"It's a plan if I say it's a plan, Superboy! SHUT UP AND KILL THE ZOMBIES!"

Wonder Girl tosses her lasso and pulls quickly, wretching one of the zombie's heads off. All of the Teen Titans wince. Bart is zipping around, tossing bricks, and random street debris at the zombies, who start to moan. One reaches for Kid Devil and says, "Brainssss..." Eddie blows fire over three of them, leaving zombie ash.

Blue Beetle yells, "WE CAN KILL THESE. TOTALLY. GO NUTS KHAJI DA!" He shoots a laser out of his hand that takes out five zombies at once. Kid Flash yells, "GO BLUE!"

After five minutes, all the zombies are dead on the ground, and the Titans cautiously gather around the bodies. Robin says, "I think you should burn them, Eddie."

Bart says, "But what if it's a virus and we unleash it on the world and everyone becomes a zombie! I don't want everyone to become a zombie!"

Robin answers, "I'm pretty sure it's not a virus, Kid Flash."

"How come?"

"Because there is a guy up there in a long cape with funny hair chanting in Latin. Somehow, I think he's calling the zombies."

"Oh. Um, how come he hasn't turned us all into zombies? Or at least, you, Rose, and Cissie, I mean you're normal people. Kind of. Cissie is the most normal."

Kon flies over and says, "Bart, if you don't want to die a virgin, it's normally best not to let a girl hear you think she's a freak."

"I'm pretty sure Rose takes it as a compliment." Jaime interjects.

Bart nods. Then he turns to Kon and says, "Who said I'm a virgin anyway?"

Kon gives him a look as Robin yells, "HEY! CRAzY WIZARD GUY TO DEAL WITH HERE!"

Kon shrugs, "It's cool, I called the JLA when we were fighting. Zatanna is on her way right now to deal with him."

"What?"

"We're not really equiped to deal with magic users like that. I mean, me and Kara can't really deal with them, plus...why are you turning that color? I thought you'd be happy I thought this out."

"Cassie can deal with them!"

"Right. Hey, babe, you think you can go rope that guy and I don't know, slam him into the golden gate bridge or something?"

Robin almost face palms but remembers at the last second that he has zombie blood on his gloves and makes a mental note to burn his crime fighting outfit, and possibly bleach his entire body.

Wonder Girl flies over and ropes the guy who points up at her, and starts chanting louder. She yells in Greek and fries the hell out of the guy. He falls over. Strangely, his hair appears to stick up a little less.

Bart calls out, "You guys don't do any bondage with that thing, do you?"

Robin yells, "I AM HAVING YOU ALL KILLED! EXCEPT MEGAN!"

Kara says, "Hey, what did I do?"

"You're related to him!" Robin shrieks as he points at Superboy. Kara looks at Kon, who shrugs. Robin stomps off and grabs Megan. "We need to get back to the Tower so I can go over these samples."

Megan picks him up, and they fly off.

Blue Beetle sets down and says, "Does he seem more up-tight than normal to anyone?"

"I don't know, Hey Me, he's kind of always had a stick up his ass."

"My name is not Hey ME! What did I tell you about calling me that?!" Jaime kicks at Superboy's leg.

"Something about your bug having a kryptonite laser? I wasn't really paying attention." Kon's attention drifts away as he notices Superman in the sky.

Bart pushes both of them. "Shut up, the JLA is here." Superman touches down and looks down at the bodies on the ground and then at Superboy. He walks over and asks, "Did any of you think about not killing them so we could have the effects reversed?"

Kon whispers, "Eddie! Why the hell didn't you burn the zombies like Robin told you too?"

Eddie whispers back, "Bart said it might not be a good idea."

"Don't listen to Bart!"

They all look at Superman who has his arms crossed and is glaring at them. Bart says, "You could probably put their heads back on, and patch them right up."

Jaime and Kon both start coughing.

Wonder Woman flies over and smiles at Cassie, who is still holding creepy guy. She takes Cassie's lasso off the man and Zatanna says, "nekawa," causing the guy's eyes snap open. He starts to squirm but Wonder Woman smacks him and he stops.

Zatanna asks, "What did you do?"

He mumbles something about meddling kids and evil domination.

Wonder Woman slips her lasso over him, and he starts to rave about how people are all parasites, and deserve nothing more than to devour flesh. Then he starts to cry on Wonder Woman's uniform about how all his lovely monsters are dead. Wonder Woman holds him away from her suit in disgust.

Superman asks, "Is there anyway to undo the zombie threat?"

"No! My pets can't be made normal again! I shall rule the earth!" Then he starts to say something in Latin and Wonder Girl hits him. He passes out. Kon says, "That's my girl," proudly.

Jaime says, "See? We didn't do anything wrong! They were all dead anyway."

Superman still starts to lecture them about about thinking things through, and not overreacting. He keeps talking and talking.

Ravenger leans over to Jaime and says, "You can hit him with the kryptonite laser at any time."


End file.
